I said this to a friend recently. We have been chatting and trying to figure out this Mid-Life thing. Both of us have three kids and a husband. We are searching for where we might have lost ourselves along this path of life. Constantly making sure everyone is taken care of, the house clean, the laundry done, kids at every activity and being cheerleaders for everyone, we forgot to cheer for ourselves. Now that the kids are almost grown, we are struggling, as the identity we thought defined us is walking out the door to make their own lives.
We are longing for the wild that has been suppressed, folded and put neatly in the closet for that “just in case” time. But now that wild feels moldy, tarnished and out of date.
Have we grown too old to live fully once again? Have our responsibilities squashed our passions? Please know that each of our precious children are beyond anything that we could have ever wished for, hoped for and worked for! There is not one moment we would trade for all that our kids have given us, taught us and filled our heart with!
It is just “What now? Who am I? Where do I belong? What defines me as a woman? How is my marriage defined now that our kids do not need us as much anymore? Do we even know our husbands?”
We have selflessly given, not only to our families, but to the schools, charities, neighbors, our homes and careers. Setting aside our needs, wants and desires to meet everyone else where they are/were and never asking anyone to meet us where we are. Or maybe asking and being met with resistance. We always seem to be moving towards them, not us.
We traded our romance novels for story books. We traded our manicures for digging in the sand and building sandcastles. We traded our pressed work clothes for yoga pants, ponytails and days at the park. And what amazing days we had at the park! We traded boardrooms and meetings for giggles and sticky hands. What a gift to hold a sweet, little, sticky hand…
Now, we hand them the keys to our cars and pray over them to return home safely, closing the door and shedding a few tears as they drive away. Alone in the house it is quiet, peaceful for just a few minutes. Maybe too quiet. We look at our hands, as the lines have started to form and we notice that they are not as agile as they used to be, nor soft, nor useful. We pour a glass of wine and stare out the window. We wonder, “Now what?”
It starts to seep in that we are not needed as much as we once were, not even to drive them to a friends house to hang out. The heaviness of midlife settles beside us in the chair and reaches its cold, bony fingers toward our wrists. Those fingers want to grab us and bind us, pulling us into nothingness and despair. Oh, but we have made a plan to resist those hands.
We have realized that we have been less ourselves. We become ready to dive into our essences and to revive those silly girls who thought they had life figured out at 23.
Now at 50, we are questioning if life is ever figured out and that we must continue to question everything. We have vowed to share this with our children too. We tell them, “Go, live, be wild, have fun,” because there is no reason to grow up so very fast. Of course, we want them to be responsible, but we want to them to breathe in that youth, the curiosity of
It all and to ask those hard questions! We have decided that we are! We are going to live, travel, take pictures and dance naked in the moonlight if that is what stirs us! We will live, laugh, love and leap from tall buildings after we watch the sunset from way up top with our evening cocktail.
“We will not only land on our feet, but we will land in 5-inch stilettos!” – H. Iden.
Midlife is just another box to check, but it is not a defining downward spiral. We are not Self Less, we are now Self Fulfilling!
Carrie J. Myers
Carrie J. Myers writes mostly poetry reflecting life phases and the processes of her journey along the way. Through yoga practices, she found words that held higher meaning and growth. She hopes to inspire change in the souls of her readers so they discover their authentic selves and revive, create their light within.
- Carrie J. Myers
- Carrie J. Myers
