The Fierce Truth is that I had no self-awareness until the age of 33.
I behaved a certain way at school because that’s what the cool kids wanted. I dated my first boyfriend because someone told me he liked me. I went to business college because my mum said it would be good for me. I got married because my boyfriend wanted to. I had my first child at 26 because my husband wanted to have kids. I gave up work after having a child because that was what was expected of me. At no point did I question any of these decisions. At no point did I ask if these are things that I wanted to do, if these are things that are good for me? I went along in life doing what was expected and what I thought I should do. Then one day I realised I was married to a man I didn’t love, with no career, interests or hobbies. I had no idea what I wanted to do in life or what made me happy. I had put everyone else first; my cup was completely empty, and I thought to myself, “How on earth did I end up here?”
However, my next thought was, “What’s wrong with you?” I wasn’t being abused. I lived in a nice house, I had two kids I loved, and there were people who were far worse off than me. Who was I to be complaining?
The Fierce Truth is I’m not alone.
The Fierce Truth is that a lack of self-awareness is behind the growing level of unhappiness in women.
The Fierce Truth is that living a mediocre life isn’t what you came here to do.
The Fierce Truth is that you have the power to change your life.
In today’s society, where time is money, we women are striving to be the best in our careers and the best at home. We have families to care for, friends to keep up with, jobs to hold down and kids to raise. We are working harder than ever before and the only break we seem to get is when we sleep, and most of us aren’t even doing that well.
At the same time, we are comparing ourselves and our lives to others and thinking, am I good enough, smart enough, earning enough or fit enough? We feel like everyone else in the world has it all together, so we suffer in silence.
As we become more consumed by this daily grind, we dampen our true feelings and hide our true characters. We live our lives reacting to external factors and demands placed before us. Then, one day, we realise that we have no idea who we are, what we want to do or who we want to be. We realise that somewhere along the way, we lost our joy, and the life we are living doesn’t make us happy. But you have a choice: you can continue to live like this, or you can bring in your self-awareness and make a choice to change.
That one question, “How on earth did I end up here?” was all it took for me to have a little glimmer of self-awareness. That glimmer turned into a sixteen-year Change Journey where I left my marriage and brought up my two sons as a single mum. I learned how to say “no” to things I didn’t want and “yes” to things that brought me joy. I became a business manager and an energy healer; I studied floristry and flower therapy. I exercised because I wanted to, not because I was punishing myself. I found true love because I was able to love myself first. I created a life for myself that I truly love and one that brings me joy every single day.
So today, I’d like you to ask yourself one question… “Am I truly enjoying my life?” And if the answer is no… here are a few things that you can do to start your own Change Journey.
First and foremost, give yourself permission to change. Regardless of where you are in life and what is going on for you right now, you can make a choice to change. Right here, right now… all you need to do is give yourself permission to change. Secondly, question everything that doesn’t feel right. Your reaction to others, times you feel down, things that annoy you. Ask the question “why?” Why do I feel scared when…..? Why does that person make me feel belittled? What am I so angry about? Why am I so tired all the time? Thirdly, trust your decisions. Your intuition is working 24/7 whether you tune into it or not, so why not make the most of it and start listening to it. In every decision-making moment, ask yourself, “What feels right?”, “what does my heart want to do?” “Which option feels the lightest?” How can you do all this? Simple… start journaling. Journal often. Journal honestly. Write questions at the top of the page and let the pen flow. Let your innermost thoughts and feelings come to the surface without
judgement. Don’t think as you write. Just let it flow. Once you feel you have written everything down, only then go back and read what you have written. That’s where you will find the answers you seek.
One of the biggest lessons of my Change Journey was realising that I had all the answers I needed within me. I just had to go looking for them. This can be scary. It takes bravery and courage to start looking within, to start questioning who you are. But let me tell you, the insights, clarity and self-awareness you gain (and, more importantly, the decisions you can make with this newfound knowledge) will bring you levels of happiness that you can’t even imagine.
Here are a few other suggestions for you:
Celebrate your way.
Accept people for who they are.
Choose to see the good in people.
Cry when you need to (don’t bottle things up inside).
Play upbeat songs.
Visualise daily the life you want to live.
Accept compliments.
Watch your self-talk and change it to positive.
Be grateful for all you have.
Look for the positive in everything.
BE optimistic about your future.
Laugh more.
Smile more.
Choose fun.
Choose happy.
Choose joy.
Just start.
One day at a time, one hour at a time, or one minute at a time, that’s all that’s necessary for you to begin your Change Journey. And if all else fails… remember that a self-bought bunch of flowers makes everything feel better.
*Organisational psychologist Dr Tasha Eurich’s research concluded that 95% of people believe they are self-aware, but only 10-15% of people actually are self-aware.
Nikki Lane
Nikki Lane is the author ofThe Change Journey: A self-awareness guide for women who are thinking, “How on earth did I end up here?” She offers resources and coaching for anyone looking to embark on their own Change Journey.
