Our story begins as a young ten-year-old boy walks up to a podium to give a speech in front of his entire family. He cries and walks away, unable to mutter a single phrase. His mother embraces him and the next person takes their time going up to speak.
In this context, it is easy to question why this boy broke down, but because he just lost his best friend to cystic fibrosis, it is easy to see why.
That little boy was me and that grief is something I still process through, even today. However, it is also the start of my own creative journey and a time in life that taught me to take the bad times as a temporary obstacle to achieving greater things.
Accepting the Lemons
We all have moments of adversity. We all have times where we just want to give up. Unfortunately, there are many people out there that will just give up. That is not even to say something as drastic as suicide, but just simply stop trying to either better themselves or their situation. I saw it in my own parents, both of whom seemed to fall into the careers they ended up in by somewhat of a necessity. I was, am – the firstborn in my family and my parents were 23 when they had me. They had to have a source of stable income and while they were both fortunate to be able to do that, they never seemed to be completely happy.
As I grew older, I could tell that job satisfaction was not there and I never wanted my own life to be that way. I didn’t want to be miserable at any point waking up to get to work or just settling on something that just paid the bills. I wanted more.
Those Crossroads Moments
I wanted to present this bit of backstory to lead into the decision I ultimately made, as I graduated from high school and started college. Originally, I was going to go to school for pharmacy. It was the simple path, with a clear ending and a job that would be set, right after I finished up school. It was the road both of my parents wanted me to take.
However, I had this strange feeling that it wasn’t for me the second I slowed down to reflect on what was coming. I was writing a lot that summer and having this itch to create worlds, characters and just generally feeling creative. A very close friend suggested getting into film as my major.
This was not something my parents wanted to hear but I knew I had to explore a creative path, so I switched majors at the last moment, electing to major in film studies. Life seems to find a way where we are presented with two or more choices of where to go next, and it is in these situations that we really find out who we are. There is never a wrong choice, though. Always remember that. Yes, are there going to be choices that don’t pan out? Sure, but did you learn something that you wouldn’t have known otherwise? Definitely. Never feel defeated, only feel enriched by the experience. This was not something my parents wanted to hear but I knew I had to explore a creative path, so I switched major sat the last moment, electing to major in film studies. I saw it in my own parents, both of whom seemed to fall into the careers they ended up in by somewhat of a necessity. I was, am – the firstborn in my family and my parents were 23 when they had me. They had to have a source of stable income and while they were both fortunate to be able to do that, they never seemed to be completely happy. As I grew older, I could tell that job satisfaction was not there and I never wanted my own life to be that way. I didn’t want to be miserable at any point waking up to get to work or just settling on something that just paid the bills. I wanted more.
Making the Lemonade
I was born with a congenital heart defect known as aortic valve stenosis. All my life I have had to get yearly echocardiograms, in order to see how things are. All my life, I was told that surgery was going to happen, but not until I was much older – think 50s or more. At age 28 after a typical echo, the doctor gave me a look that is never good to see. He said that I was only a few years away from having to get a new aortic valve. I was blindsided. There was no way.
After another year with a new doctor, the same diagnosis. Surgery was coming sooner rather than later. It was just a matter of when.
At this point in my life, I truly lost my creative spirit. When I was 23, I moved out of my parents’ home and making money for rent became the big priority. I traded in my creative ambition for steady work as a freelance videographer.
While I built my business to a place of splendid success and I bought a house of my own by 25, there was no creative force anymore. I was just making videos, not films. Facing the possibility of not just heart surgery but if any complications would arise, maybe even death, I had to really re-evaluate what I was doing. Rather than just giving up, I went back to my creative roots and began work on my first short film in 6 years.
Loving the Challenge
To wrap things up, it is no secret that the pandemic took a toll on everyone in 2020. For many of us, we lost loved ones, dealt with sickness, or just had to readjust to a new way of living. I saw an entire year of work wiped out within a two-week period in April. I was terrified of where money was going to come from. Despite this though, I also saw the opportunity to read more, study more and write more. I began work on my first feature film screenplay which the first draft of, I finished in about 3 months. I also took the time to get the materials ready for a collection of poetry I had been saving for the last five years.
In January 2021, I self-published Just a Boy Blaming Himself and had my script completed. In addition, I began work on my second script and started work on my first full-length novel, which will release in spring of 2022. Financially, this has been one of the hardest points in my life, but creatively, I have finally found a side of myself that I love completely. I embrace that creative spirit and I’m learning to find that balance between wanting to be artistic but also understanding the financial logistics of making it all work.
Enjoying Every Sip
I will easily say that my life has not been a cakewalk by any means, but I know things could have been a lot worse. I count all my blessings for this very reason. If I can leave off on anything at all, it would be that life is going to be wild, it is going to be unpredictable, but it will also be amazing too. Every day is a new chance to learn something new, have a great interaction with someone, or just enjoy the little things. So, join me in enjoying not just that first sip of lemonade, but every last drop until we need a fresh glass. Cheers to overcoming those obstacles and gaining a better, more fulfilled life because of it all.
Daniel Hess
Daniel Hess is a writer/poet/filmmaker from Baltimore, Maryland. He is a graduate of the Electronic Media and Film program at Towson University and founded To Tony Productions in 2009. He has worked on several award-winning short films and is a guest contributor to a variety of magazines around the world.
