The year was 1998, around Halloween. I was fresh out of college with a bachelor’s degree from the University of Utah and ready to conquer the world, I finished a manuscript about a girl who has dreams at night and she travels the world. Then one day discovers that the dream people were, in fact, real-life people.
I went to Barnes and Noble and author signings, hoping to pitch my book and find out how to publish my newly written novel. At one of these signings, I met a lady named Sherrie, and I am sad to admit I forgot her last name. She gave me her number and told me she had written numerous books. She looked at my manuscript, looked at me and asked, “Who are your writing influences?”
I blurted out, “Shakespeare, Dostoevsky, Grisham and Hawthorne.”
She grinned, “I would like to mentor you. Let’s get this polished and published.”
I drove home with a feeling of invincibility; all my dreams would be coming true. I could now prove all the naysayers wrong, who told me, it’s impossible to get published.
I held on to my dream until the next week. That following week, I found out my dad Richard who was never sick, wasn’t feeling well, was tired and had back pain. From then on, I was taking him to doctor’s visits, and he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of pancreatic cancer in December. Life seemed to stop for me from the moment of his diagnosis.
I shelved my manuscript, lost Sherrie’s number and put my dreams on hold to work full-time and help my mom with her life without my father. He was only 57, and her dreams of retiring with him were no longer a reality.
I went on a downward spiral, mentally, physically and spiritually. I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and, at one point, was homebound with agoraphobia. Staying safe, locked away from the world, became my new normal until I couldn’t stand myself. I vowed to be cured or at least live life with a bit of normalcy.
My healing started with a phone call to a therapist named Sally, and then a visit to my doctor. With therapy, anti-anxiety meds and meditation, the anxiety lessened but was still present. I searched on all the social media platforms for anyone who had cured themselves of agoraphobia and found very few people.
I then had what some would call a breakdown, but I called it a Spiritual Awakening.
For three days, I was in a heightened state of awareness. In this state, my physical ailments were cured, as if I had a systemic reboot.
I found my passion for writing again and could visualize a finished book. I have to say, it looked exactly like the book, Finding My Sacred, which I released in January of 2023.
All along, the person I was searching for to cure me was always there, staring at me in the mirror. She only needed to, Find Her Sacred.
Shell Silversmith
Shell Silversmith completed a Bachelor of Arts in Family and Human Development from the University of Utah. Shell finds her purpose lies in public speaking, which allows her to assist people who suffer from anxiety and panic. She was awarded a fellowship to the Emerging Diné Writers' Institute in New Mexico, which she completed in August 2022.
