Most of us have moments when life feels overwhelming, almost like we’re running on autopilot. Between work commitments, family responsibilities, social appearances, and the never-ending cycle of “to-dos,” it’s easy to lose sight of the person we truly are underneath it all. Many of us wear the mask of expectation – a costume tailored by society, upbringing, or even by ourselves in an attempt to please, to perform, to fit in. But what if, in the midst of life’s chaos, we could pause long enough to rediscover our authentic self that’s been waiting patiently beneath all the layers?
The Masks We Wear
From an early age, we learn to play roles defined by others. A diligent student, a loyal friend, a caring partner, a high-performing professional. Expectations shape how we behave and how we perceive ourselves. Over time, these roles start to feel like second skin, making it almost impossible to tell where the performance ends and where we begin.
But something begins to stir inside when the gap between who you truly are and who you pretend to be grows too wide. You may find yourself drained, uninspired, or restless, even when life looks fine on the surface. Or you may experience physical symptoms of this misalignment through medical ailments and chronic conditions. That’s the first spark of your authentic self asking to be heard. Instead of suppressing it, listen. What is it telling you? Sometimes, it whispers through frustration at an unfulfilling job. Other times, it screams through exhaustion because you’ve said ‘yes’ to too much. These moments, uncomfortable as they are, offer a gift—the opportunity to uncover what’s truly missing and realign your life to reflect it.
The Power of Self-Awareness
The first step toward rediscovery is becoming self-aware. It’s rare for women to give themselves the time and space to ask simple yet vital questions like, “What do I really want?” or “What lights me up?” Try this experiment. The next time you have a quiet moment—even if it’s just during your walk from your car to the grocery store—ask yourself, “If no one was watching, how would I show up in the world?” The answer might surprise you.
For example, I used to be a high-achieving healthcare manager and leader. I came to realize that I had spent years climbing the corporate career ladder, believing it was the only path to success. I later discovered that it was what I was told was the path to success but it wasn’t my path to what I defined as success for myself.
Over the years, my true authentic self had made several attempts to be heard and bring my attention to this misalignment – various health ailments, several bouts of frustration, chronically feeling unfulfilled, bouts of depression, anxiety and burnout. The thought of leaving my comfortable, “successful” career had always seemed impractical, so I continuously buried the feeling that I was meant for so much more. But when I finally tapped into my self-awareness and rediscovered who I truly am and acknowledged my true passions and desires, that’s when my life began to transform into something I could have never imagined for myself.
Self-awareness is messy and, at times, uncomfortable. It requires looking at the ways you’ve conformed to fit into frameworks that don’t serve you. It means reflecting on the decisions made out of fear rather than love. And most importantly, it means finding curiosity instead of judgment for the person you’ve been and the person you’re becoming.
Breaking Free from Expectations
Societal expectations are heavy, aren’t they? By now, you’re familiar with the unspoken biases—the ones that suggest you should be a flawless employee, an impeccable parent, a giving partner, or an effortlessly organized human being. When these standards collide with your own innate desires, it creates a tension that can feel suffocating.
The truth is the only person who can shed this weight is you. Start small. Take stock of one expectation you regularly adhere to but genuinely loathe. For instance, maybe you’ve always volunteered to host family gatherings because it’s “what you’ve always done,” even though it leaves you drained. Ask yourself why. Are you doing it out of a sense of obligation? What would happen if you didn’t?
It’s often in the “no” that the most profound self-discoveries occur. With every expectation you shed, you make room for values and passions that truly matter to your unique perspective and life.
For many women, the idea of prioritizing their own dreams and passions often feels like a luxury they can’t afford.
Has there been a dream or passion sitting quietly in the back of your mind, waiting for the right moment to come alive? Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn photography, put pen to paper and write, dance in a way that makes you feel utterly free, or finally start that small business idea you’ve tucked away. If you’re honest with yourself, how many times have you dismissed these thoughts as impractical or selfish?
Think about it—the reasons are always there, aren’t they? There’s the dinner to cook, the projects to finish, the friends to help, the endless demands pulling you in every direction. It’s so easy to convince yourself that there’s no time for your dreams, that they’re somehow less important or worthy. But what if you stopped? Just for a moment. What if you gave yourself permission to imagine what it might feel like to finally start?
Maybe it starts small. One night a week, you set aside time to take that watercolor class you’ve always been curious about. At first, maybe it feels indulgent. You might even feel guilty as if you’re taking something away from others by choosing yourself. But as you swirl colors across the paper or snap that perfectly framed photo, you’ll feel a shift. The simple act of saying “yes” to your passion is more than just an activity—it’s an act of reclaiming yourself.
The important thing to understand is that the moment you start prioritizing something that brings you joy, you send yourself a message – you matter. Your dreams, your voice, your passions – they deserve more than to be on the back burner of your life. You’ll begin to notice how the joy you create for yourself begins to ripple out to the people around you. The more you restore your inner world, the more strength you’ll have to meet the world with your best self.
If you’re searching for permission to begin, here it is. You don’t need a full plan, and you don’t have to wait for life to slow down (because, let’s be honest, it won’t). Just take one small step toward that thing your heart has been whispering about. You might be surprised by how good it feels to finally listen.
Realigning with Your Core Values
Once you’ve begun to clear the clutter of expectations, the next step is to reconnect with your guiding values—the principles at the heart of who you are. These values become your compass, gently steering decisions and actions toward a life that feels both purposeful and fulfilling.
If you’re not sure where to start, think back to the moments that made you come alive. Maybe it was the feeling of connection when mentoring a younger colleague, or the pride you felt creating something beautiful with your hands. These are clues that point toward your core values.
Maybe, deep down, you know your values center around creativity, wellness, or even just having a moment of calm to yourself. But between the school drop-offs, the never-ending to-do list, and the countless demands pulling you in different directions, those values seem like a distant memory.
Think about what anchors you. Is it painting, journaling, or finding peace while gardening? Maybe it’s spending Saturday mornings in a yoga class or simply reading a book with a hot cup of tea. How often do these things get pushed aside because “there just isn’t time”?
Now, imagine choosing just one significant step – one thing that feels sacred to you – and carving out space for it in your week. It doesn’t have to be huge or disruptive, just consistent and meaningful. For example, Sunday mornings could become your time, free from errands or obligations, where you protect a little corner of your life to focus on something that makes you feel alive again.
At first, it might feel strange – maybe even a little selfish – but over time, this small act of honoring what matters most to you can have a profound ripple effect. You might find yourself feeling more grounded, more fulfilled, and even surprised at how much more energy you have to show up for the people and responsibilities in your life.
The truth is, when you realign with your core values, you’re not just giving a gift to yourself – you’re creating a stronger, happier version of you that benefits everyone around you. It starts with just one choice, one moment a week. Maybe that moment is now. What would it look like to choose yourself?
The beauty of aligning with your core values lies in the authenticity it brings. You begin to make decisions that feel like an extension of your true self rather than a performance.
Creating Space for Self-Kindness
Finally, any true path of self-rediscovery requires a commitment to treating yourself with compassion. This is often the hardest part for women who are used to comparing themselves to perfection or putting their needs last. But self-kindness isn’t selfish – it’s essential for long-term growth and strength.
Start by reframing the way you view setbacks. If you stumble on this path of rediscovery, as you inevitably will, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It simply means you’re human. Remind yourself that progress is rarely linear. Offer the same encouragement to yourself as you would to a friend embarking on a challenging adventure or to one of your children experiencing a setback.
Self-kindness also means giving yourself permission to rest without attaching productivity to it. And yes, this is revolutionary in a culture that glorifies busyness. Quiet moments for reflection provide the fertile ground where self-awareness and growth can flourish.
Empowered Rediscovery in the Everyday
While the idea of complete self-rediscovery may sound like a colossal project, it actually unfolds in the smallest, most everyday ways. It’s hidden within the choice to spend your Saturday morning walking in nature instead of answering work emails. It’s woven into the affirmative “no” you give when someone asks for more of your time than you can genuinely offer.
And it shines in the simple but profound decision to pursue something that feels distinctly yours. Over time, these choices accumulate into a life that feels like your own, not one borrowed from someone else’s expectations. Each step you take toward authenticity will inspire those around you to do the same – reminding women everywhere that they can too choose to live a life aligned with who they truly are.
You Already Have Everything You Need
Perhaps the most liberating truth about rediscovery is this – everything you need to awaken your authentic self already exists within you. It doesn’t require a seismic life shift or drastic reinvention. All it requires is your willingness to pause, reflect, and listen to what your heart has been trying to tell you all along.
Shedding expectations and finding yourself isn’t always an easy process, but it’s the most worthwhile work of all. It’s in this gentle unraveling of the unnecessary that your truest self begins to emerge – ready to reclaim the life you’ve always deserved.
This foundational work empowers you today and lays the groundwork for a lifetime of growth and fulfillment. Embrace this journey, celebrating your unique strengths and aspirations, and prepare to create a life that is genuinely rewarding and true to who you are.
Remember, your empowered and authentic life is within reach – embrace it with confidence and joy.
Angilie Kapoor
Angilie Kapoor is a highly acclaimed workplace and business leader with over 20 years of experience in healthcare and over 5 years as an entrepreneur. As the founder of Oversight Global, Angilie and her amazing team are on a mission to address the consciousness crisis in the world, one leader at a time.
