Do you have a favourite leg? Left or right? Or lip? Top or bottom? Of course not, you wouldn’t pit one part of yourself against another. It’s illogical because it’s all you. Your unconscious mind only ever works FOR you. Try this test; Look around at your current surroundings, take note of and count all the GREEN things you can see. Are you sure you have got them all?
Now, answer one simple question. How many red things did you see?
No idea? That’s because your mind does what you ask of it. Have you ever been in the market for a red hatchback of a certain car brand, and then start seeing them everywhere? Same thing. Now, if you tell your mind that today is a terrible day where everything is going wrong, your obedient mind will find all the things going wrong (maybe even create some). It’s on your side, always.
Why then are some emotions labelled as “negative” and some “positive”, when they all come from you, are all a part of you?
The truth is, all emotions come from within you; therefore they inherently have your best interests in mind. All that comes from you is intended to serve you. Demonising certain emotional responses such as Fear and Anger facilitates an attack against one’s self. This will never bring you to holistic harmony. It is creating division in the “whole”; in all that is YOU.
All emotions have positive intent, even if the resulting behaviours and outcomes are unfavourable. Let’s take Fear as an example. You may report that fear has stopped you from doing things, in hindsight, that you should have done. Career choices, relationship decisions, moving overseas for a year. Most of us could look back at things we opted out of because we were afraid and later regretted it. How is Fear on our side when this happens?
Remember, all emotions have a positive intention and are on your side. The intention of Fear is to keep you SAFE. Fear also stops us walking out into traffic, makes us put our seat belt on and stay home with mum and dad an extra six months before moving out for the first time. Safety is a key driver of human behaviour; it is the stable base of “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs”. Financial safety, food safety, housing safety, emotional safety are things we need as humans. And it is Fear that is the red flag that pops up when we are risking any of our safety needs. So how can you deal with Fear in a way that appreciates it for looking out for you, rather than “pushing through” or “face the fear and do it anyway” or other catchy quotes around ignoring Fear.
Have a conversation with Fear. Notice where it sits in your body, how it feels and get curious. Ask it what does it want to keep you safe from? What does your Fear want you to know? Listen to the answer. Once you know what Fear is worried about, you can make a decision. You can decide that it is a legitimate concern and you will alter your course of action. Or you can acknowledge what has come up, thank Fear for wanting to keep you safe and assure it that you are going to do the thing, make the choice, and go the other direction anyway.
You can have a similar conversation with Anger. Anger is a red flag around boundary breaches. Either you have allowed someone to breach one of your boundaries, they have been breached without you allowing it, or you have breached your own boundary.
Often demonised Anger is usually justified in its appearance. It rises up on occasion where the circumstances “will not stand”. Anger is also a very powerful motivator, a high energy and energizing emotion. Try falling asleep when you are angry! For some this can become habitual, especially if access to other energizing emotions such as excitement, anticipation or ecstasy are more difficult to access.
Emotional responses are like pathways from stimulus to expression of that emotion. Like everything, you get better at what you practice. If you practice an emotion over and over, the pathway becomes wider and more established, on its way to a six-lane highway that is super easy to go down. This is how emotional responses become habitual. If you add programming your mind to look for things that “make you” feel a certain way, as discussed earlier, there is a huge opportunity here.
Firstly, let’s look at language. Rather than being a “negative” emotion, depending on circumstances, Anger (and Fear) can be resourceful or unresourceful, helpful or unhelpful. Utilising this distinction in language facilitates a self-compassionate relationship to the entire spectrum of human emotion.
Secondly, this system works the same way for every emotion. How would your life be different if you programmed your mind to look for moments of Gratitude, Kindness given and received, and Joy? Imagine having a mind working for you to find these circumstances instead! Imagine creating a six-lane highway to these resourceful emotions.
Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
Lisa Westgate is an Award Winning Mental Health Advocate, speaker, trainer, and best-selling author. Also creator of The Misfit Hub, support for weirdos, freaks and unicorns to live a life of zero f*cks.
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
