They say a man’s home is his castle. They also say your home should be your sanctuary. For many however, our home is where we do the unpaid work of the bottomless laundry hampers, daily cooking for family and seemingly endless chores.
You may already be familiar with the difference in feelings when you walk into a tidy, open space as compared to an over-furnished or “busy” room. That sense of calm and inner peace you experience, like it is easy to take a deep breath. Whereas in the latter you may be overwhelmed by a sense of being hemmed in, trapped and demotivated. This is particularly true for those who identify as empaths or highly sensitive people.
For an increasing number of people, our home is now also the space in which we complete our paid work, either as an employee or entrepreneur. Many living rooms, garages, spare rooms and dining room tables, (occasionally couches and beds, too) worldwide have been co-opted for work.
A psychologist once said: “External clutter creates internal clutter”, meaning a cluttered mind. There are obviously many contributing factors to a cluttered mind, full of sometimes anxious thoughts, shopping lists, to-do lists, pick-up and drop-off times, etc. This is the “mental load” of primary caregiving, which is recently getting discussed more openly in mainstream media. The influence of our external environment cannot be underestimated.
It is also interesting to note that the relationship between internal and external clutter goes in both directions. Do you look around your home and reflect on how your internal state has been over the previous few days by the pile of laundry or dishes? Is it how you gauge your wellbeing? Conversely, you may recognise that the state of your environment precipitates certain emotional states such as anxiety or feeling overwhelmed.
Perhaps it is the commonality of this universal truth that has led to the rise in popularity of television series like “The Home Edit” and organisers like Marie Kondo. In what other areas of life are we craving control, system and organisation? Is it easier to control our outer worlds than our inner space? Sometimes, tackling a big pile of laundry, rearranging the pantry (again!) or putting our books in rainbow order seems more manageable than rigorous personal reflection to determine the deep-seated unrest we feel.
Taking all of this into consideration, for the sake of our mental wellbeing and some semblance of work and life balance, how do we reclaim the “sanctuary” from the busy mess?
The truth of the matter is that attending to both the external and internal clutter is important. Making time for both has benefit. There are many experts in the decluttering space who you can follow. A good spring-cleaning type clear out can absolutely have positive mental wellness repercussions, so much so that I tend to do seasonal clear-outs outside of spring. Anything unused for over six months, unless seasonal, (e.g. Christmas decorations), gets donated or discarded. Any unworn clothing, unsentimental or broken goods are released back into the world outside of the garage.
What about an internal spring clean? Similar to the above system, it can be very liberating to critically analyse old beliefs, with thought patterns and rules that you have been storing in your mental garage. Sift through these and work out which ones are worth holding onto, and which will serve you better by being released. There are several ways to release these old patterns of thought or behaviour. For instance, write them down and then burn the paper, whilst affirming their release in a positively framed statement such as: “I release my belief about perfection and welcome the forgiveness of self”. In addition, working with a Coach, Therapist or Healer can help to gain support in releasing old habits and patterns. Utilising the perspective and toolkit of another person, especially a trained professional, often helps to see the forest from the trees when in a state of overwhelm.
What does this all mean? You live in response to, and have influence over, your internal and external environments. Due to the interplay between environment and emotions, there is opportunity to interrupt the cycle at either point. Action is the antidote to anxiety. It is the anticipation of taking action, making a choice and living with the consequences that have you spinning in circles in your mind. As soon as you make a decision, choose a path and take some action; you can no longer be anxious about it as it is done. Granted, many then find something else to worry about.
Always approach any matters of emotional or mental well-being from a place of compassion and forgiveness. Know that you (and everyone else) are doing the best you can with the resources, both internal and external you have available to you. This means at any given moment, as it fluctuates.
Case in point, I have found this piece challenging to write because I am currently under-resourced in focused attention. I had to address the clutter in my office, and take time to address the clutter in my mind before I could complete it. No one is immune. Treat yourself as you would a child who is putting in a huge effort to complete a task, but is finding it challenging. You wouldn’t berate them or call them lazy or worse would you? You would approach them with compassion and forgiveness. You would help them problem-solve, change rooms, tidy up, whatever was needed to support them. Be that person for yourself. Your fidgety inner child will be grateful.
Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
Lisa Westgate is an Award Winning Mental Health Advocate, speaker, trainer, and best-selling author. Also creator of The Misfit Hub, support for weirdos, freaks and unicorns to live a life of zero f*cks.
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
