People often want to know how I came to move off the couch, where I was wallowing in self-pity, following my mental health diagnosis of PTSD anxiety and depression. They want to know how I ‘outgrew’ these diagnoses after a history of trauma and a frontline career that contributed to my poor mental health.
What does someone need to go from being ‘deep in the shit’ in terms of their mental health to living a full life of their own making? There are four pieces of the puzzle that is transformation.
Piece number one is a supportive tribe. We as human beings are tribal creatures. We are not designed to go through life alone, we are created to live in villages, to find people like-minded, and those that challenge us. Being part of a collective is how we are designed and how we’ve been put together. A supportive tribe either offline in the real world or online through social media is essential. It’s about finding people that will lift you up and that will have your back in the toughest of times. And having some people in your circle that are further along the path than you are.
Aspiration is a powerful motivator. Within that supportive tribe find yourself mentors that have walked a similar path ahead of you. That can guide you through the obstacles and help you avoid the dead-end activities that are a waste of energy. Guiding you back to the path that is going to get you where it is that you want to go. Piece number two on this path of personal evolution is a mindset of self-compassion. It may be a default thought pattern to beat yourself up or punish yourself for not being where you want to be yet. Compassion and forgiveness for self comes from understanding that whatever has occurred in the past has got you to where you are now, and it is at this point that you have decided to do something different with your life. Therefore, the cumulative experience that you bring with you has helped get you to this point right now. Understand that it’s okay not to have all the answers, that it’s okay to make mistakes.
To learn that something is not part of your path, you have to walk it first.
There will be activities, tasks, behaviours or communities that you try out on this journey only to discover that they are not right for you. That is not a failure on your part. Commend yourself for the continuing search to find what is right; pat yourself on the back for making the attempt.
The next piece of the puzzle for growth and healing is being conscious and making deliberate decisions. Many people, perhaps even the majority, spend their lives reacting to occurrences, circumstances, and people around them. They were late to work because the traffic was bad, or it was raining. Perhaps they blame their bad mood on their partner or their boss. This is an easy habit to fall into. What this is doing is giving away your power to people and things outside of yourself. This leaves you as being only able to live in reaction to whomever or whatever you have given over your power. Decide that you are in charge of your life and take radical selfownership for all that happens from this point onwards. Making deliberate decisions moves you from reacting, through resilience, into a space of responding. Reacting and responding might sound very similar but the key difference is when you respond to circumstances rather than react. You have reclaimed your power and control over your response to the situation. Empowering yourself is gold. Once you decide that you are going to live your life making deliberate decisions, you reclaim your agency and that changes everything.
The final puzzle piece is developing an unshakable belief in yourself and in something greater than you. Becoming your own biggest fan empowers you with a level of impenetrability to the doubts and the negativity of others. Once you have an unshakable belief in who you are what you stand for, your values and your belief system; dealing with all the world throws at you becomes a lot easier. There will still be external challenges like job losses, illness, and death. However, with a supportive tribe around you and by manifesting self-compassion and forgiveness; you can be deliberate in the way that you live your life and have an unshakable belief in yourself, so those external circumstances can only penetrate so far.
An unshakable belief in something greater than you is important for perspective. It’s very easy for us, particularly when we are on a self-reflective journey, to get caught up in the minutiae of our own lives. Of our own thought patterns and our own behaviours as we analyse and over-analyse. This can lead to too much time spent navel-gazing and getting caught up in matters that appear bigger than they are. A faith in something larger than you whether it is a deity, the vastness of the universe or adhering to an established belief system, gives the gift of perspective. Perspective is taking your consciousness and awareness beyond your reflective journey. Appreciating that the world and beyond, is so much larger than the problems or challenges that appear very big and very complex right in front of us.
With these four puzzle pieces you will be well on your way to shifting off the couch to moving towards the light. And evolving beyond your past into the new brighter, lighter, shinier version of you.
Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
Lisa Westgate is an Award Winning Mental Health Advocate, speaker, trainer, and best-selling author. Also creator of The Misfit Hub, support for weirdos, freaks and unicorns to live a life of zero f*cks.
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
