I had spent a decade teaching people about ‘Mindset and Personal Growth’ when my own was very much put to the test by the very sudden death of my husband, Rob. I describe this moment like a needle scratching over the record player whilst listening to our favourite song – and suddenly everything was silent. Rob died from a brain aneurysm, unplugged from our lives at the age
of 45.
I slipped into “functioning mode,” a reaction I see a lot in people who have experienced adversity. I felt like all of Rob’s strength had been poured into me to hold space for our boys, who were only ten and eight at the time. I closed my business to be able to focus on our sons and allow myself some time to process our loss together. But what did processing look like? How was I supposed to feel? What next?
In those early days I received a rather sharp slap in the face. A very close friend asked how I was. In response to “I’m doing ok”, she said, “Oh, the worst is yet to come”. I was left speechless. Aren’t friends supposed to support you? I had put my whole focus on keeping us on the path to creating the happiest life possible for our boys and myself. Rob and I had promised each other we would do that – in case something was ever to happen to either of us. What theory that was when we talked about it… I knew it was time to put our promise into action!
I knew that in order to heal myself, I needed to grieve in my own way – one that did not fit the stereotypical grieving widow, dressed in black, tearful and falling into depression. One day, my counsellor asked me what grief meant to me – and to my own surprise, I responded with “Empowerment!” That moment I knew I had to write a book.
After a mere four months following my husband’s passing, I documented our story and titled the book ‘Loving Life after Loss’. I shared how Rob and I met, fell in Love, built our dream life, the barefoot wedding at the beach, the house and kids… and how Rob passed. Overnight after publishing day it became a bestseller, ranking in the Top 100 of Australia. I took the boys on a trip around the world for 2 months. We needed space. We needed to get away from all those stereotypical expectations and first milestones without Rob. We needed time to process, to heal and to allow ourselves to be happy.
It was in Vienna, Austria – my origin – when I felt the response to my book igniting an urge to do something bigger. I realised I had something the world needed: hope, healing & happiness in times of grief. Upon our return I opened the doors to a global Movement which offered & allowed all of that – and what better title could I have chosen than “Loving Life after Loss” – it has become a philosophy, a call to action, a statement – and quite an important filter for those joining us.
So many of the “support” groups I began researching focus on the loss and the tragedy of what had happened and on how much pain people are feeling. I found this rather difficult and although the pain could be incredible at times, I also needed relief from that pain for the sake of myself and my children! I needed a space that promoted healing over suffering, while still honouring and sharing our loved one’s memories.
Soon after starting the group, the reactions from members confirmed clearly that there was desperate need for this.
Over three thousand people from around the globe have joined our Movement to date, all benefiting from learning about new perspectives and tools that teach them how to shift and heal through their very unique experiences. We are all here to hold space for each other. I have made it my mission to shift the paradigm of how we’re “supposed” to grief. We all have a deep desire to be happy – it takes courage to allow that back in after losing somebody so close to you – but guess what would be their biggest wish for you right now?
Trust your heart.
Marie Alessi
Marie Alessi is a mother of two boys and a bestselling Author, Influencer, and speaker. After her husband passed from a brain aneurysm, she created her way back to Joy—a choice made in his honour to make him proud. Marie has become a shining example of choosing Love over fear and sadness.
