What do you think of when you hear the term “radical selfownership”? Initially, you probably think, “Yeah, that sounds empowering”. Then the next thought might be “wait, does that include the bad things as well?” Well yes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing in itself. Radical self-ownership was the first step on my path to recovery. To reclaim my power from people who took it and from people who I gave it to. Reclaiming my power and radical self-ownership was not something that happened overnight; it was a process that for me, took months. And to tell you the truth, I’ve been refining it for years. If you had met me seven years ago, I defined myself as ‘broken’, damaged goods and would frequently espouse loudly about how useless I was and what a burden I was to those closest to me. I was living a life ruled by bad weather, circumstances, things that other people had done to me and decisions that other people had made that had affected me. I spent most of my time looking backwards at things that had been and gone and had no possibility for change.
Back then, I had given away my power to those that have done me wrong or betrayed my trust. The side effect of giving away my power to other people and circumstances outside of myself was that I had become deeply unhappy with where I was in life. And having given away my power, I wasn’t in charge to change it. I came to understand that through making other people the bosses of my life and letting them be in charge. Including my employer, my family, my therapists, many of whom had positive intentions for me, I’d painted myself into a corner. I had put myself in a position where the one person that didn’t have any control over my life was me.
Now, this isn’t to say that the people around me that I felt were in charge were malicious. Many of them were acting in my best interests particularly at a time when it was deemed that I was not capable of making certain decisions myself due to mental health challenges. There was a period of my life where I needed to be cared for, I needed others to make decisions for me because I was incapable of doing so for myself. When that period ended and I was ready to take charge of my life again, I had to reclaim that power.
Take a moment to reflect on your own life. Who are those influential in your life? Do they have control or influence? Are other people making decisions about aspects of your life? Have you given away your power to others like I did? Or are there people in your life that influence you that you are happy to receive opinions from, knowing ultimately the decisions lie with you? Because that is a completely different energy.
When it came time to reclaim my power and adopt a mentality of radical self-ownership, I was scared. I’m not going to lie to you. I was scared because I knew that by choosing to take full responsibility for my own life and everything in it meant that I had to own all of it. Including the shit. I knew it meant that if I made a mistake, I would have to own that mistake and its consequences. I knew that it meant I would have nobody else to blame when things didn’t go well.
But what I had to focus on was the flip side of the coin, when things did go well I could own it 100%. Because there was nobody else responsible for my life and everything in it but me.
Now I’m not going to BS you. I would never say that this process was easy, but I will say that it is simple and that it is 100% worthwhile. Today I heard somebody talk about the difference between knowing who you are responsible to and knowing who you are responsible for. Allow me to share an example. I am responsible to my clients and students; I’m responsible to my family. I am not responsible for my clients and students, and for the most part, I’m not responsible for my family apart from my young son. In fact, part of my responsibility to him is to teach him how to be responsible for himself. I can support and educate my clients and students in all sorts of areas, I can give them information, I can teach them processes, but I’m not responsible for what they do after I impart my wisdom. That’s up to them because they are responsible for themselves.
Part of radical self-ownership is making a decision that you are going to be responsible for all of you. The good, the bad, the messy, the mistakes and the ugly. It is letting go of the responsibility for all of those things in others. It’s about recognising that you can have opinion and influence towards other people, but you cannot control them. And you are not responsible for them.
Release yourself of that.
Radical self-ownership is primarily just that, a decision. A decision to draw a line in the sand and say “from today onward I am in charge of me. I am the boss of my life”. Over the years, I’ve shared this with many people. Those who have decided for themselves to live a life of radical self-ownership have overwhelmingly sent me feedback about how empowering it is. And how much more in control of their own lives they feel. Having relinquished the burden of responsibility for others where it was misplaced and being able to make themselves a healthy first priority. Like I said, it’s not easy, but it is that simple, and it is worth it.
Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
Lisa Westgate is an Award Winning Mental Health Advocate, speaker, trainer, and best-selling author. Also creator of The Misfit Hub, support for weirdos, freaks and unicorns to live a life of zero f*cks.
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
