Mirror Mirror On The Wall: Body Image, Everyone Talks About it and Everyone Thinks About it

The term body image refers to how you see and feel about your appearance and how you view yourself when you gaze into a mirror. It is also the picture you get in your mind when you imagine what you look like to others, as well as how you feel within your own body. Which may not always be an accurate perception.

What you see on social media and what happens in real life, is so different. Social media has altered our ideas of body image and it has altered our idea of what is socially acceptable.

Also let’s remember before social media, we would pass perfect images on billboards, watch them on TV, flip through magazines, but we weren’t staring at them for hours every day like we potentially are now. The pressure to have perfect pictures taken, the comparisons we make, and the dangers of constant scrutiny of our own bodies is damaging.

Many of us have concerns about our body image. These concerns often focus on weight, skin, hair or the shape or size of a certain body part. However, body image does not only stem from what we see in the mirror. It also relates to trauma, beliefs, experiences, depression, mental health and lack of motivation – to name a few.

The way we see our bodies starts early in our lives, well it did for me. My father physically abused me and my mother mentally abused me which made me believe that I was not good enough or pretty enough. This was the pivotal moment when I lost all sense of being carefree and of complete acceptance about my body. It is where my body issues started.

I was in Year 9, a skinny girl with freckles on my face, and small breasts. I lacked self-confidence and I didn’t fit in. I was into sport, books and music, whilst the rest of the girls where into chasing the nearest boy that came along. The pretty girls had boyfriends or male friends, I learnt to live with that. I had female friends who thought I was nice and kind and who knew I was smart. But nice and smart didn’t get me roses or cute messages from boys. I wanted to be like the other girls and I believed I had to be pretty to get this sort of attention. I began to change my uniform, I made the hem shorter, lightened my freckles with lemon juice (a big rave back then) and tried different styles with my hair. Did it work? NO!

Whilst I battled with this negative body image, I was driven to perfection. The perfect student, the perfect athlete, the perfect friend – you get the picture. Perfection was in my blood and anything less than perfect meant I was a failure.

Whilst school days were a daily struggle, I knew when I got home I could just shut myself in my room and forget the outside noise. Many times, I thought maybe I was not alone. I thought maybe others were pulled in a million different directions too, as they tried to navigate the tension between who they want to be, who they think they you should be and who they really are.

After leaving high school, things were different. I started working and entertained the idea that maybe, just maybe, it was time to put myself first. Time to be kind to myself and love myself and truly understand and appreciate all that that entails.

I met my (now ex) husband at an earlier age and thought the world had finally landed in my lap. How wrong was I!

He had Playboy magazines hidden in his bedside table and was always looking at them. He wanted me to change my appearance to be more like those women. He even offered to give me money for breast implants. So much for my self-confidence! This then stemmed into our sex life. It became dissatisfying, infrequent and demanding on his part. I was not able to share my intimate thoughts and desires with him.

Fast forward to today, where I am so comfortable with who I am, my body and where I am heading in my journey.

The mental health inequalities created by our experiences, can affect the sense of acceptance and worth that forms the backbone of our self-esteem and self-confidence. This is where I believe we need to start shifting people’s minds. To fully understand someone and what they are going through, we need to be real and have open conversations and share these stories.

There is a future for every person who has and is struggling with body image. There is a way to get stronger and more confident, but the catch is, you must listen to what you want and not what social media or others are telling you.

We also need to stop using negative words about ourselves and find a way to heal.

Remember, when we share our stories, we are making a connection with someone else who is going through or has gone through a similar experience. Also, when we listen deeply to the stories of others, we often find ourselves standing in front of our own mirrors.

Jo Lastro, Our Expert (Former)

A 1st-Degree Muay Thai Kickboxer and sole owner of Jo’s Fitness Studio. Muay Thai has made Jo stronger, more comfortable in her own skin, and taught her to have faith and trust in herself. She now hopes to inspire, and help others overcome their own obstacles by sharing her expertise in fitness.