Healing Grief: Interview with Stacey on Losing Her Friend to a Drug Overdose

The grief that accompanies the death of someone you love can smash you like a tonne of bricks and take away your ability to remember how to breathe. And regardless of who you are, it is undoubtedly something that you will most likely experience throughout your life.

It can be a challenging path to navigate, and it is important to remember you are not alone. In this ongoing series, we connect with our readers and discuss their experiences with loss, grief and healing. For this issue we interviewed Stacey Pinn. She shares her experience of losing her friend to an unexpected drug overdose.

“So, what role does grief still play in my life now? Life is fragile. Grief is a rollercoaster.”

Kim: Stacey, you lost a friend to a drug overdose many years ago. Are you happy to speak to us about that?

Stacey: Yes, of course. His name was, is Michael. He was a real character until the end. A funny, caring, take-the-shirt-off-his-back-for-you kind of guy. I think that is why he could hide his addiction and the fact that he was struggling so much because he spent a great deal of his time with people, making them laugh, and he would always be the first to put his hand up if you needed help. And then he was gone.

I’d moved away and didn’t know it then, but he’d started using heroin regularly. Then, one night, at a friend’s house, he accidentally had more than I suppose he was used to and overdosed. His friends couldn’t help him because they were too wasted. I’m not even sure they realised what happened until after the drugs wore off. But then he was dead, and it was too late. Even now, when I visit the town we both grew up in, it’s still a kick in the heart that I can’t go and visit him; we were really close.

Kim: What were those initial days or weeks of Michael dying like for you?

Stacey: I’m not sure if I can find the words. Every day felt like I was dreaming. I was away, living in another state, so not being there personally shielded me from the fallout and made me feel it less real in some ways. I think it was my belief that we still live on that helped me through the most. I trusted that even though I couldn’t see Michael, he was still with me. And there were signs. He had this favourite song that used to drive me crazy. Suddenly, I started hearing it a lot. I know it was him saying, “Hey, Stacey, I’m still here to fuck with you!” I still cried a lot, but it did help ease the pain a little, knowing that I could talk to him and he would still hear me and answer me.

Kim: How did you heal?

Stacey: Living away, I didn’t have the close support I probably could have used sometimes, but I got through it one day at a time. I didn’t expect too much from myself. If I was having a bad day, and there were many, I let myself feel all the feels. If I had a good day, I allowed myself to without feeling guilty; Michael would want me to laugh still and have fun. So, I tried hard to ensure that I was having those moments between all the tears. My best laughs happened when I remembered him, especially in those first few months. Just remembering his laugh makes me laugh.

It took a while, but gradually the good days started outweighing the bad days, and I just let that happen naturally. Again, I think it was my understanding that he was still very much with me that helped. It gave me an anchor to hold on to through my dark days of tears and indescribable pain. It still hurts, but I believe I am finally at a place of peace with it all.

Kim: Do you believe this experience shaped you in any way?

Stacey: It made me love more freely, to show my feelings to those I valued in my life. It also strengthened my curiosity about building more of a connection with the spirit world. Within six months of Michael dying, I started sitting spiritual development courses to learn how to talk to spirit better. Now, I can’t get him to shut up sometimes! Which is nice, I suppose… don’t tell him I said that!

Kim: What role does grief play in your life now?

Stacey: With Michael, as I said, I reached a level of peace that enabled me to put the worst of the pain behind me. I have lost people since though. My grandmother, which we were expecting. It still stung a lot, but knowing she was out of pain and in peace, I think, overrode the worst of the grief. I also lost another friend in a car accident recently, that one I am still getting over and not quite ready to speak out loud about. But I am trying to use the same lessons I learned after losing Michael in my experience with losing Kate. So, what role does grief still play in my life now?

Life is fragile. Grief is a rollercoaster.

Stacey: Don’t feel like you always have to put on a brave face to make someone else feel better about your situation. Sure, there is a time and a place, but feel your feelings and let the sadness move through you instead of bottling it up inside. It’s going to come out, so it’s better you allow the space for that to happen in an unharming way. Because grief, if you let it, can drive us to do some crazy shit.