“I’m on a mission to change the ways adults experience children’s emotions so we can respond with the intention to raise emotionally intelligent humans.”
In a world where emotions often feel like an enigmatic puzzle, Alyssa Blask Campbell stands as a guiding light, advocating for the cultivation of emotional intelligence in children and adults alike. With a master’s degree in early childhood education, Alyssa’s journey from a small rural town to becoming an emotional development expert and author of the book “Tiny Humans, Big Emotions” is inspiring.
Alyssa’s mission is clear: to revolutionize the way adults perceive and respond to children’s emotions, ultimately nurturing emotionally intelligent individuals. Through her collaborative emotion processing method. And the invaluable insights she offers for parents, teachers, and anyone striving to raise emotionally intelligent humans.
A Journey Rooted in Personal Experience
Alyssa’s upbringing in a small rural town was humble but filled with love. Her parents worked tirelessly to provide for their five children. Despite their dedication, Alyssa didn’t grow up with the emotional tools she would later find essential in life. As she entered her teenage years, she felt like she was treading water, presenting a facade of success while struggling with inner turmoil.
As an athlete and a diligent student, Alyssa excelled on the outside, but inside, she was grappling with anxiety and resorting to coping mechanisms just to keep afloat. Her journey took a significant turn when she entered the realm of early childhood education in her early twenties, discovering her passion for teaching. However, it soon became apparent that the skills she was expected to impart to children were skills she hadn’t fully mastered herself.
Teaching children to navigate their emotions, be empathetic, and handle challenging situations was more complex in practice than it appeared in workshops and seminars. Alyssa’s personal struggles with anxiety and emotional regulation became apparent when dealing with the unpredictable behaviour of young children. This realization marked the beginning of her transformational journey towards becoming an emotional development expert.
The Birth of Collaborative Emotion Processing Method
In 2016, Alyssa connected with her colleague Lauren Stauble, and together they embarked on a quest to discover a comprehensive approach to emotional development. Their shared journey led to the creation of the Collaborative Emotion Processing Method, a groundbreaking framework with five key components, four of which are centred around the adult.
The method begins with introspection, encouraging adults to examine their implicit biases, childhood experiences, and cultural norms. It prompts adults to recognise when their own triggers and habits are activated and teaches them to regulate their nervous systems. The ultimate goal is to co-regulate with the child, fostering a supportive environment for them to process their emotions and thrive.
Alyssa and Lauren took their method a step further, collaborating with universities to conduct research across the United States. Through this rigorous research, their method was refined and validated, solidifying its status as a transformative approach to emotional development.
The Impact of Teaching and Parenthood
Alyssa’s experiences as both a teacher and a parent played a pivotal role in shaping the Collaborative Emotion Processing Method. She identified two major challenges that deeply resonated with her – self-care and breaking free from the patterns of the past.
As a parent, Alyssa discovered the importance of redefining self-care as a continuous, daily practice rather than an occasional indulgence. She shared with us, a relatable story of the simple act of using the bathroom in peace, highlighting the need to prioritize small moments of self-care throughout the day to maintain emotional balance.
“I wrote about being in the bathroom, going pee, and my toddler poking me in the belly button and playing. Then fast forward, my husband goes to the bathroom, he goes in, he shuts the door, and my toddler’s on the outside saying, ‘Dada, dada, I want to come in,’ and he said, ‘Yep when I’m all done, I’ll open the door. I’m gonna go to the bathroom by myself and then I’ll open the door.’ For me, it was like, ‘Oh, that’s allowed.’ It was one of those moments I was like, ‘What is it like to pee without a kid poking you in the belly button?”
The second challenge, rooted in her own upbringing, was the realization that it’s okay to do things differently from how one was raised. Acknowledging this truth allows individuals to break free from generational patterns and make choices aligned with their values and the emotional well-being of their children.
Emotional Intelligence: A Shared Goal
Alyssa emphasizes that regardless of whether we label it “emotional intelligence,” we all share common values for the children in our lives. We want kind, happy, emotionally resilient children who can navigate life’s challenges, regulate their emotions, and adapt to different social settings.
These values align seamlessly with the five components of emotional intelligence – self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills, empathy, and intrinsic motivation. Alyssa believes that nurturing these components lays the foundation for raising emotionally intelligent humans who can thrive in a complex world.
“I think a lot of us want kind humans, we want kids who can feel happy and joyful, we want kids who can navigate hard things, we want kids who have tools to regulate through their emotions and find their calm…”
A Blueprint for Emotional Intelligence
Alyssa’s work isn’t confined to parenting alone. While her book, “Tiny Humans, Big Emotions,” primarily focuses on children, it provides invaluable tools for personal growth and development.
Divided into three parts, the book takes readers on a journey through the intricate workings of emotions and the practicalities of nurturing emotional intelligence in children.
The first part delves into the science of emotions, offering a deep understanding of the adult aspects of emotional development. It equips parents, caregivers, teachers, and anyone invested in children’s well-being with the knowledge needed to create emotionally supportive environments.
The second part focuses on children, exploring topics such as setting boundaries, distinguishing between consequences and punishments, and helping children navigate complex emotions. It offers guidance on processing life events like moving, dealing with loss, and building empathy.
Empowering Children to Navigate Complex Emotions
In a world where even children grapple with emotions like anxiety and depression, Alyssa’s method separates sensory regulation from emotion processing. It teaches children to understand their bodies and nervous systems, enabling them to regain balance and calm in moments of dysregulation.
By recognizing bodily sensations, children learn to operate from their rational prefrontal cortex, even in the face of anxiety or depression. This approach empowers children to develop personalized strategies for managing their emotions and responding to life’s complexities with confidence.
Addressing Common Misconceptions
Alyssa is well aware of the common misconceptions surrounding emotionally intelligent parenting. One significant misunderstanding is the belief that it equates to permissive parenting. Some parents may swing between repressing emotions and over-intervening when they begin their journey toward emotionally intelligent parenting. Alyssa emphasizes the importance of finding a balance between providing guidance and allowing children to navigate their emotions naturally.
Another misconception is that emotionally intelligent parenting means children should be seen and not heard. Alyssa advocates for understanding that children’s behaviours often stem from their desire to connect and be loved. By recognizing this, parents can offer grace and support instead of judgment.
In the Moment: Tools for Parents
Parenting is a daily practice, and perfection is not the goal. Alyssa advises parents to start by noticing their own reactions in challenging moments. Pay attention to thoughts, bodily sensations, and emotions. Deep breathing, even a single breath, can temporarily interrupt stress responses and provide an opportunity for regulation.
Alyssa also recommends using mantras to reframe situations, like reminding oneself that a child is having a hard time, not giving a hard time. This perspective helps parents stay centred and respond with empathy and support.
A Fierce Truth: You Are Doing Enough
Alyssa Blask Campbell’s fierce truth is a powerful reminder that as parents and individuals, we are doing enough. Embracing the journey of nurturing emotionally intelligent humans involves self-compassion, personal growth, and continuous learning. Alyssa’s work is a testament to the transformational power of emotional intelligence, offering a blueprint for a more empathetic and emotionally connected world.
Based on Alyssa Blask Campbell’s teachings, here is a list of actionable tips and strategies for parents to practice when helping children navigate their big emotions:
1. Self-Awareness:
Practice Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your emotional triggers and biases. Understand how your childhood experiences and cultural norms might influence your reactions to your child’s emotions.
Mindful Observation: Pay close attention to your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations when your child is experiencing strong emotions. Recognise and acknowledge your emotional responses.
2. Emotional Regulation:
Deep Breathing: Use deep breathing techniques to regulate your own emotions in the heat of the moment. Taking slow, deep breaths can help you stay calm and respond with patience.
Positive Mantras: Develop and use positive mantras to reframe challenging situations. Remind yourself that your child is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time, to maintain empathy.
3. Co-Regulation:
Offer a Safe Space: Create an environment where your child feels safe expressing their emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling, and you’re there to support them.
Active Listening: Listen actively to your child without judgment. Encourage them to share their feelings and experiences. Validate their emotions by saying things like, “I can see that you’re feeling really upset.”
Offer a Safe Space: Create an environment where your child feels safe expressing their emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling, and you’re there to support them.
4. Boundaries and Consequences:
Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear, age-appropriate boundaries for behaviour. Ensure your child understands the limits and expectations in various situations.
Consequences vs. Punishments: Focus on natural consequences that relate to the behaviour rather than punitive measures. Explain how actions have consequences and encourage responsibility.
5. Empathy Building:
Model Empathy: Demonstrate empathy by acknowledging your child’s feelings. Say things like, “I understand that you’re sad because you couldn’t have that toy.”
Empathy Exercises: Engage in activities that promote empathy, such as reading books together, discussing characters’ emotions, and asking open-ended questions about how others might feel in specific situations.
6. Sensory Regulation:
Body Awareness: Teach your child to recognise bodily sensations associated with strong emotions. This helps them regain control over their reactions.
Sensory Tools: Provide sensory tools like stress balls, fidget toys, or a cozy corner where your child can go to self-regulate when they feel overwhelmed.
7. In-the-Moment Support:
Pause and Breathe: When faced with a challenging situation, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath. This brief pause can help you respond more thoughtfully.
Use Reflective Language: Help your child identify and label their emotions. Say, “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated right now. Is that how you’re feeling?”
8. Persevere and Learn:
Embrace Imperfection: Understand that parenting is a journey, and nobody is perfect. Give yourself grace and recognize that you’re doing your best.
Continuous Learning: Stay committed to learning and improving your emotional intelligence skills. Read books, attend workshops, or join support groups to further your knowledge.
9. Foster Connection:
Quality Time: Spend quality time with your child regularly. Engage in activities they enjoy and use these moments to strengthen your bond.
Open Communication: Encourage open communication in your family. Create a safe space for your child to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
By implementing these doable actions and tips, parents can create a nurturing environment that promotes emotional intelligence in their children. Remember that building emotional intelligence is a gradual process, and your efforts will contribute to raising emotionally resilient and empathetic individuals.
Fierce Truths Magazine
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