Let me introduce you to the full Ironman distance: 3.8k swim, 180k bike ride, and 42k run at the end. This is one sport where, on race day, you race with the pro athletes.

I was called to travel from Perth, Australia, to New Zealand to compete in mine because it was a challenging course, and I wanted an adventure before an adventure. I saw it as a pilgrimage to learn about what I am capable of. I know I can do everything by myself, but do I want to? No, I don’t have to do everything myself. I can put down the armour, but this was a big one for me.

As I write this, I have goosebumps. Knowing the work of meeting my inner edges, of feeling uncomfortable, and of my pursuit of knowing who I am beyond my pain and conditioning truly changes how I want to live my life and how I want to engage daily.

This was my first Ironman distance triathlon, and although I didn’t complete it, I learned a lot of lessons.

When we push ourselves, we break our glass ceiling; we meet places within ourselves that no one else can show us. It can’t be brought or rushed; it’s a walk of truly coming home daily, moment by moment. Knowing we have to do what it takes to get us from where we are to where we want to go while also knowing when we need rest.

One of my big revelations on this adventure was that I am done doing things alone, not all things, however big things like this. It’s like I’ve been trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I don’t need anyone. Functioning from a core wound of unsafety – I am better off alone as then I am safe. This can sometimes lead to living quite a lonely life.

New Zealand Iron Man has a long swim start, rolling hills, and is notorious for being windy. I didn’t think about it too much, as the whispers were that we were in for a good weather day.

Well, that’s not what we got.

“The most important challenges we will ever confront happen inside of us..” —Unknown

On race day, I woke up to the wind; this was my first sign. Then, as I stood on the edge of Lake Taupo, the water was so choppy and rough that the fear in my body moved through me like the wind. Tears started to fall, and the feelings and emotions of not wanting to get in the water overwhelmed me. It was almost like I was trying to will the water to be calm, but I’m not that powerful! I took some big breaths, as I knew in my heart that I had to start this race, as there was no way I wasn’t going to; that was not an option.

I had trained on and off for years to be here, and the journey itself had been incredibly challenging and deeply healing as training progressed and required more of me. We store so many trapped emotions within our bodies from past experiences. So, when I brought consciousness to my training and my body while also connecting with certain plant medicines, I was able to heal and understand what was moving through me with a deep awareness. It brought up past abuse that I had to face on a whole new level for me to heal and move through. But I wouldn’t have it any other way,

Back to race day…

As I stood there looking out at the lake, thinking about how I had underestimated her, I felt truly humbled. My first lesson was to take one moment at a time.

I nearly had a panic attack in the water. For the first 500m-700m, I couldn’t swim with my face in the water; it was too much for my system to handle, so I did the best I could. A few participants near me called to the lifesavers to get pulled out, but not for me; I kept repeating to myself, “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this…”

So, I put on my big girl pants and had to talk to myself. There was no way I could keep swimming with my head out of the water; it was taking too much of my energy and time. I just had to swim with my face in the water one moment at a time.

WE ARE FAR MORE CAPABLE THAN WE THINK WE ARE. However, it does require us to be present, to breathe deeply, and to focus on the task at hand.

I was sick multiple times in the water; sometimes, the most amazing lifesavers would ask if I needed help. I would let them know that I needed a moment to get my breath back and would keep going, counting one buoy at a time. In the last 500m, one of the lifesavers on a paddle board didn’t leave my side in case I needed to stop.

I was expecting to finish my swim in about 1 hour 15 minutes, but it took me 2 hours 6 minutes; a few participants either got pulled out or didn’t make the cut-off. I was just so grateful that I got to finish, and that moment I got out of the water, knowing how much it took to get there, made me cry.

I share this because crying is just a release. My body had just experienced something scary and quite traumatic in the moment. To be clear, not everyone would have had the experience that I had. Some may be worse and some better, but knowing ourselves here is the key to growth and expansion.

Meeting our edges shows us who we are and all we are capable of.

Then, on to the ride. It was nice to be on the bike, but coming out of transition, you head straight up a hill. On the way out, I was feeling good, the wind was behind me most of the way, but I think near the halfway point, the crosswind started; then, once I turned around to make my way back, the headwind was brutal, and I was riding into head and crosswinds. I didn’t know what to expect, and I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t prepared enough to meet the cut-off time for the bike section because I didn’t anticipate the swim taking that long. I missed it by 10 minutes. I was devastated and, if I am truly honest, a little relieved. I felt battered by the swim; it smashed me in more ways than one, and I didn’t fully recover from it, and then the wind. I definitely did not have control over my mind through the last part of the ride. I was thinking too far ahead, and how the hell I was going to go another lap followed by the marathon at the end—key takeaway: mindset, mindset, mindset.

I found Iron Man so hard, and overall, I completed 3.8k in swimming and 90k on the Bike.

The thing is, when you have so far to go, it’s imperative that you stay present with your whole being and energy. I lost that, and I don’t think I regained myself and what they say is true; it’s won or lost with the mind.

When you don’t know what to expect, you don’t know and therefore can’t prepare; having to lean on our deepest trust in knowing our resilience will get us through.

We do our best to avoid what we don’t know because the unknown is scary; the ego wants to know everything before it happens. When we race or stretch ourselves in life and go after what is tugging on our heartstrings, it’s scary; we don’t know what’s going to happen. So, we take the risk into the unknown with the reward of meeting the edges of ourselves and seeing what we are capable of while also allowing new threads to be pulled, new pathways to open up, and new ideas to arrive.

This would not have been possible without taking the first step.

It’s like life, really; we can try and prepare as much as possible; however, we never know what will happen.

So let me share my lessons from this incredible experience:

• Being present in the moment gives us the power to overcome; we are always much stronger and more resilient than we think.
• We can’t control things outside of us, only our response to them.
• Trust your curiosity; there is always a reason you are being called somewhere.
• Control your mind and emotional response to what is happening, or the narrative is not serving you and who you want to become.
• Presence gives us access to endless possibilities.

Always follow your heart; she knows the way to expansion, expression, and a whole lot of grace.