Self Loyalty: The Most Important Relationship in Life is with Yourself

Thinking about self-loyalty can bring up feelings of apprehension and misunderstanding; does being self-loyal make me selfish? How can I care for others if I am loyal to myself first? What does self-loyalty even mean? The ability to be loyal to oneself is a cornerstone in your emotional and spiritual development. It helps you commit to a life filled with self-care and self-love, ultimately increasing the love and joy you experience. When we are loyal to ourselves, we choose to honour what is important to us and we make decisions that reflect our true nature. So, if self-loyalty is such an essential part of our journey in this lifetime, why do so many of us struggle with feelings of guilt and shame when it comes to putting our needs first?

As part of having a self-sacrificing nature, especially those of us who are loving caregivers, we forget to tune into our own needs.

By putting the needs of others above our own, we are doing a great disservice to our sense of self. It can seem easier to understand the needs of those around us than it is to tune into our soul’s deepest yearnings. To honour your personal needs and boundaries can take a lot of courage, strength and integrity, especially when it requires you to say no to people. Disappointing those we love can make us feel guilty. So, instead, we find ourselves ignoring, pushing aside, and neglecting what our intuition is trying to tell us about our feelings. When we refuse to stand in allegiance with ourselves, we cannot express our true nature nor work towards what we deserve and what makes us happy.

The beautiful and transformative thing about self-loyalty is that it is in no way selfish because it helps you to love others more and allows others to love you more in return. It sets a benchmark for how you deserve to be treated. When you are loyal to yourself, you are making an open declaration to those around you that you stand firm in your own beliefs and values and people are better able to accept and love you for it. It doesn’t mean that you don’t respect how other people think; it means that you stand before them as an honest, authentic and loving person. This encourages people to love and respect you, too. There will always be people who are unable to love you but those who choose to, will be loving a genuine version of you. Self-care, self-love and self-honesty are the foundations of self-loyalty, and they also make up the necessary foundation of any relationship.

Being loyal to yourself is…

Taking the time to explore yourself so that you know what makes you happy and actively working towards experiencing more of this happiness. You don’t compromise by neglecting your needs.
Liking yourself and accepting yourself as you are. This doesn’t mean that you are not working towards becoming the best version of yourself; it means that you practice daily acts of compassion and forgiveness with yourself. Being accountable for our mistakes helps us to evolve.
Honouring your feelings. You don’t try to hide and diminish your emotional states. Other people come to rely on you because they see you as an authentic person who has no reason to pretend to be anyone other than who you are. You don’t need others’ approval to feel good about yourself.
Being able to put others’ needs before your own but it will be done from a place of strength and love because your internal cup is already full. You won’t be doing anything out of obligation but out of conscious choice.

When we do not choose to stand with ourselves and deeply understand what makes us the unique individual we are, we cannot be present in our lives in an authentic way.

We deprive ourselves of a connection with our desires, dreams, values, needs and the very essence of what makes us a multi-layered, complex, spiritual being. We end up drowning in low-frequency emotions like anger, resentment, loneliness, detachment and fear. It can take an incredible amount of bravery to look at ourselves and be willing to understand ourselves, but it is an essential part of our journey towards joy and love. By making choices and decisions that reflect who you are, you will feel more at peace with yourself, with others, and with your unique place in this world.

Take special time to reconnect with yourself because you should never feel ashamed or guilty for who you are. When you deeply connect with yourself and recognise your own soul’s beauty, you become more confident and develop a seductive zest for life that shines through and touches everyone you meet.