In case you missed the memo, I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. My drug of choice was always MORE. More vodka, more pot (which I never paid for), more sugar, more sex, more credit card spending. And during my early 20’s, that seemed to be working well. Acting out distracted me from the existential angst of being me. The problem was that I couldn’t drink, use, eat, screw or spend 24 hours a day. And for those hours that I wasn’t actively medicating my feelings, I was in agony.
It’s important you understand that my spiritual journey has never, ever been motivated by virtue. It’s always been desperation. I never saw the Light; I felt the Heat. It’s been 28 years since I got clean and sober, which is a freakin’ miracle. But before I get all self-congratulatory, let’s take a closer look.
Ask me about the last time that I used sugar to medicate how I was feeling. That’s four days. Or bought clothing that I didn’t need or really want, for the experience of feeling powerful. That’s two years. We can also “use” with emotions to make us feel less alone and afraid. I learned that anger is a drug that I pick up when I am feeling powerless. I like to feel wronged, I want to be right, I want to judge and criticise others so that I don’t have to look at what’s going on for me. You see, in my experience with working with hundreds of others, there’s a central theme: We’re always up to something that separates us from our true selves and each other. And for you spiritual practitioners, having gifts such as mediumship or healing does not preclude you from doing the deep inner work that is required to move out of fear, trauma and self-loathing. Before we can experience an unconditional love of our selves and others, we need to acknowledge the shame, regret, guilt and worries that rule our egos.
Helping others should never be used as an excuse to avoid looking within, cleaning house and being our best authentic selves.
What is self-soothing? It is finding healthy tools to soothe and calm ourselves when we are experiencing distress or anxiety, without using medication or negative soothing strategies. It’s a way to be kind and gentle to ourselves while providing needed support and comfort.
Without even knowing it, nonaddicts often display milder symptoms of using outside substances to change how they are feeling. If you are reading this, chances are your Higher Self directed you to these words. And it’s okay for you to feel really crabby with me about it. Who the hell wants to wake up, when being asleep can feel so much more convenient? Except that it may be keeping you from experiencing maximum joy, connection and abundance. Not to mention saddling you with extra kilos, debt and shame.
There is an underlying disease in every human, not just addicts.
I really resonate with the word disease, and express it as dis-ease. And that dis-ease for everyone is Fear. I was taught that there are two primary fears that drive us out of love and into the darkness. But I now think that there are three:
- Fear that I am not going to get what I want.
- Fear that I am going to lose what I have.
- Fear that I am going to die.
These fears are the result of deprivation thinking. We don’t believe that there is enough, we don’t believe that we can be loved unconditionally, and we don’t believe that we are eternal souls have a temporary human experience. This creates worry, anxiety, anger, depression and sloth. These are all lower-vibrational emotions that separate us from joy, peace and freedom.
What can we do about this? Here are a few steps to reduce fear and clear the space for healthy selfsoothing:
1. Start by recognising that every human being is riddled with fears. It’s not just you who is afraid. I spend so much time with my head up my own ass I fail to notice what’s going on for others. In my dis-ease, I may not think much of myself, but I often think only of myself. This is the Awareness step.
2. Once you acknowledge that you and others are full of fears, name and list the fears that you have. This is the Acceptance step.
3. Sit with your list. What does this bring up for you? Does it make you feel more alone or bring you into awareness of your place in the global community? I had a radical awakening here. I realised that I was just another bozo on the human bus, no better or worse than you. I then began to notice you and your lives. Now take this list and share it with others as you feel safe. Show your partner, your family, your community. The cosmic human choir needs your voice. In my experience, naming my fears and owning them helps to diminish their power over me. It’s shining the light of reason on the darkness of ego. This is the Action step.
4. Now, let’s start to take contrary action. Instead of getting triggered and reaching for outside sources of soothing, now we can start to Pause and Breathe. Explore meditation and journaling. Find solace in self-soothing through the five senses. Experiment with nature and spiritual practice, walks, warm bubble bath, essential oils, meditation, cups of tea and timeouts. This is the Practice step.
5. In your spiritual practice, take five minutes a day to send healing and love to every other being on the planet. And yes, even those humans that you don’t like, because they can be your greatest teachers if you choose for them to be. Then spend 5 minutes sending healing to the planet herself. She could really use some love right now. Every little bit of conscious caring helps. This is the Generosity step.
From years of practice, I can tell you that I’m doing the work, and the work is working. I can also share that I have a chronic lack of faith and trust. Even when things are going well for me, my ego says, “Don’t get comfortable with abundance. It’s going to be taken away at any moment.” I have to work daily to cultivate faith through my ever-evolving spiritual practice.
When I feel triggered, I have to focus on the Evidence: I am always taken care of, even when I am not getting my way.
Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
Scott Grasso is an intuitive, psychic, medium, mentor and apart of our editing team. He has a passion to guide people out of the fear and darkness so they can live a joyful life.
- Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
- Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
- Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
- Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
- Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
- Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
- Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
- Scott Grasso, Our Expert (Former)
