When we are hurt, or have been through something terrible, it is normal for us to have big emotions and feel anger, rage even, towards the person who has hurt us. Healthy expression and understanding of these feelings are important in order process and heal. But what happens when we get stuck in these feelings, and because of our hurt, don’t want to let go? We hold grudges and don’t forgive, sometimes for years.
Now I cannot tell you tell you when it is time to forgive. There is no right or wrong time to forgive, and it is entirely up to you when, or even if, you forgive someone who has done you wrong. There is no shame in whichever choice you make. Only you can decide if this is the right course of action for you. When we decide not to forgive, we can remain stuck in the feelings of what has happened to us. We might still be in the thick of things emotionally. It just doesn’t seem fair that one action is still affecting us after all this time, and not the person who did it. When we are stuck in the past, it affects our aura and our vibration as we are essentially replaying this over and over.
Budda says that “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” When the event has concluded and we are still angry, this continues in our energy field. It keeps us stuck in that vibration. We are unable to raise ourselves up to the vibrations of joy, peace and love. Until we consciously decide to let go of the anger, we stay there. Whilst the person who hurt us is seemingly unaffected by this at all. The case for forgiveness is that we allow ourselves to move out of these deep emotions and step forward towards peace and neutrality.
Forgiveness is not for the person who did this, but for ourselves. When we forgive, we are not condoning the behaviour that has been done to us, but we are allowing ourselves to let go of its effects on us.
But there are two sides to this forgiveness coin that we often miss. For instance, when I finally decided I wanted to let go of a past negative experience and move on, I forgave the person who had hurt me the worst.
I forgave and then didn’t notice much of a change. It wasn’t until years later that I realised I had never forgiven myself for putting myself in harm’s way. I had tried to forgive the person who had hurt me, without first forgiving myself for letting them into my life and treating me like they did. I had hated that part of myself that was kind and trusting and saw the best in people because it had let me down, and decided I was angry with her too. This was the game changer. Once I had forgiven myself, I could truly let go of this experience, and learn to love myself again, even the parts of me that were overly trusting. I had been my harshest critic, and it was time to let that go.
We are ascending as a people right now and we are all raising our vibrations to new heights, and it is time to let go of self hate, anger and holding ourselves accountable to extremes.
You can only do the best you can with what you had at the time. At the time when I was hurt, I honestly didn’t know better. That experience taught me the value of protecting myself from those who don’t have my best interests at heart. I know that now, so whether I forgive or not, it will not happen again. Ask yourself: Is there something you are ready to forgive and let go of? Dear friends, it may just be time to lighten the load and ascend to new heights.
Kiara Jade
Kiara Jade is a passionate relationship and self-worth consultant who helps women break their patterns in relationships which do not serve them. Two years ago, she founded Kiara Jade Relationship Success. She has spoken on sold-out festival stages at Seven Sisters, and on Casey Radio 97.7FM, and runs workshops on boundaries and loving oneself.
