Most people are hauling around a box or suitcase of ‘stuff’. Emotional baggage, right? When it becomes time to sort through that, you may feel as though you don’t want to take the lid off because it’s huge and you don’t know what’s in there. Or what if you can’t get the lid back on? It seems overwhelming.
For many, a lot of stuff in that box or suitcase isn’t even yours. The beauty of realising that it’s not even your stuff that you’ve been dragging around, is that it becomes easier to release.
Here are three questions you can ask yourself to determine if it is ‘your stuff’ or ‘not your stuff’.
Question Number One: Whose voice is it in?
When you hear that little voice say, “Oh yeah, but you’re a… or you’re not very… or you’re just…” Whose voice do you hear that in? Is it yours? A parent? School bully? Take note. Because if it’s not your voice, that is a simple sign that it’s not your stuff. Someone has given that to you, and you have just been carrying it around. Even if it is in your voice, it still may not be your stuff.
In a less than ideal relationship, you may have somebody telling you negative stuff over and over again. Even when we remove ourselves physically from that situation, you may have now adopted the role of that other person. So even if it is your own voice, be compassionate. Be curious; “When did I start saying that to myself?” “Who said that to me before I started saying that to myself?”
Question Number Two: How long have you been hearing this?
Because if you’ve been saying it to yourself your ‘whole life’, what are the chances that you came up with that when you were little, compared to whether or not someone else embedded that into your brain. One of the key signs that you have had this self-talk for a long time and it’s never been yours, would be a childlike language. Here’s an example. At a very young age, you may have adopted “I’m a bad kid”. You didn’t come up with this negative self-talk at 35 that said “I’m a bad kid”. That’s been there since you were a kid.
Is it quite advanced language that you’re hearing in your head or is it childlike? Language such as “I’m a bad boy/girl”, “I don’t deserve that” is quite childlike. It may be an indicator that the stuff you’re carrying around is very old.
It is important to note here that there would have been a purpose to you holding on to that as a kid. Most likely safety driven. Please understand that you adopted these ideas, thoughts, and beliefs for very good reasons. The issue is, it now no longer serves that purpose. It’s not keeping you safe. It is however, keeping you in behaviours that restrict your growth in some way.
Remember to be compassionate to your former selves.
Past versions of you were doing the best they could with what they had at the time.
Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
Lisa Westgate is an Award Winning Mental Health Advocate, speaker, trainer, and best-selling author. Also creator of The Misfit Hub, support for weirdos, freaks and unicorns to live a life of zero f*cks.
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
- Lisa Westgate, Our Expert (Former)
