When in fear we do respond
Then it is fear we do create
And hence the cycle goes
Until, in awareness
The cause that drives the fear
Is eliminated, dispelled
Then in love we do respond
And through love we do create
C 2014 JL Keez
Fear is a word we associate with, oddly enough, fear! From conception, the thoughts, behaviours, emotions, and physical expressions taught us to tell us that fear is to be feared at all costs! We are also taught about other approaches to life, but fear is the one that has the ability to take us down pathways possibly filled with struggles impacting health.
Of all the possible pathways, mental illness is the most prevalent.
Mental illnesses account for the suffering of 2.2 million Australians. Sadly, a high percentage falls into the younger age group of 18-24 years. At least 6 Australians suicide daily. The National Library of Medicine acknowledges the role of fear as being substantial as a contributor to mental illness development. Fear impacts and interrupts brain processes responsible for thinking, decision-making, and mood. It has the ability to alter how we see the world around us and hence, how we relate to it.
Reason enough then to explore this role in depth where healing from a mental illness is desired and pursued.
My lived experience of anorexia nervosa, migraines, chronic fatigue, OCD, depersonalisation, and suicidal depression, coupled with information gained when consulting with clients, has shown me that of all the emotions contributing to mental illness development, fear is always on the agenda.
Fear cripples, disillusions, controls, and completely overrules sensibility for too many of us. So, when the time arrives to heal from the mental illness we are living with, fear needs to be met head-on and with ferocity!
Let’s learn a little bit about fear …
Fear is a state of mind taught via the events we experience where an alternate explanation is not provided. Where fear multiplies in our lives, it infiltrates the cells of our body; seemingly in triumph, it tears us apart, leading us down a rabbit hole of eventual destruction. As fear dominates our connection to life, we almost have no other path to take but one characterised by the symptoms of a version of mental illness. To those who have not been taught this way of life, we are a puzzle. Should we discuss our plight with those not impacted, and contradictions and confusion arise?
What happens to those experiencing fear? Our world perception distorts, decisions made are influenced through a filter of fear, and lives become twisted existences void of a stop button. Where fear is the guide, self-esteem dwindles, self-acceptance vacates us, and empowerment never has a chance!
This was my life until I met the person who had lived my life before me. This person understood the words I used to describe my existence. This person had a stake in both worlds – understanding what fear does, and understanding the difference when fear is eliminated. She also knew how to connect meaning to the fear, dialogue with the content discovered, and, more importantly, use the information found to eliminate its hold.
Let’s look at how this was achieved…
Encouraged to honestly define the fears I lived by – to write each down – I was guided to really look at the words scribed. Truth and validity needed to be the parameters used to assess each. Acknowledging where the fear came from and standing in the shoes of those who taught me this allowed me to gradually understand why this was the emotion conveyed. Pulling the threads apart to comprehend the patterns they represented gave me a depth of knowledge I could then access to redefine the fear. Designing mantras in support of the new thought found me saying this out loud daily. Whenever I slipped back into the old pattern through thought, I quickly stopped and brought in the mantra.
This was not at all easy, but over time, as fear lost its hold, the new way of filtering life became the forefront of my new life. I needed to be absolutely honest with myself as I ventured down this path. I could not sidestep and expect to heal. Challenging fear was imperative. I came to know that fear existed in my life because I did not know there was another way to live – a safe way. Often, safety is connected to fear and requires exploration within the recovery process.
Opening discussions with others who do not live through fear was another method used to assist me. This was an eye-opening undertaking! Hearing the stories of others and what they had learned regarding life meant seriously questioning the confines I was taught. Permission to live by new ideas was definitely challenging. Gaining the confidence to make the necessary changes resulted in freeing myself to create a new way of existing where fear no longer ruled.
And just as you feel the interrogation is complete, do not be surprised if more finds its way to you. Annoying as this is, it is that knowing part of you that understands you are now ready to face the next level. The strength gained from eliminating earlier fear(s) forms the basis for being able to tackle this next round.
Let’s look at another method provided where eliminating fear is the goal…
I recall the moment I was asked to consider viewing fear as my greatest friend, not foe. “Are you kidding?” How could something so debilitating be considered a friend? Understanding that we actually adopted fear as a guide to life, that we have put it in the position of the foe, is also another pill hard to swallow. After all, this was the learning, wasn’t it? Yes, it was, but when encouraged to look at fear as being as powerless as us in being assigned this role, in looking at fear as an entity doing a job for us AND realising it wishes to hang up its boots as soon as possible, we can actually turn fear into an ally urging us to place it in the recovery bin!
I had arrived at the point where I was so tired of living with fear. I had given into its pull for years as it was easier to do so. At the suggestion of this being my greatest friend, I baulked! However, when the explanation given of embracing fear as a source of protection, desperately wanting to share its knowledge with me to free me, was suggested, I warmed to the idea! Exploring the fear(s) I carried gave me invaluable insight into my development. Interrogating each using the methods outlined above found me questioning their messages. Additionally, I dialogued with fear. I set up pretend scenarios where I conversed with the fear. Rationalising, arguing, and learning from fear helped me make the changes necessary. I spoke with fear as a friend wishing me the best to succeed. Whenever fear presented in my life, I stepped back and asked about its purpose. Instead of being angry, I quietly spoke with fear and learned my truths. Was this uncomfortable? Gosh yes! Was it worthwhile? Gosh yes! Discomfort shares the clues and solutions. Comfort tells us we have triumphed!
Giving fear the respect deserved, viewing this as being as trapped as I was, changed the nature of the association. When fear became a ‘greatest friend’ I discovered a willing companion, not a mountain too hard to reconcile. Sure, fear can be a dominating ogre, but it needs to be in a way. The louder, the deeper fear is felt, the greater the urgency for healing to occur.
You see, fear has a positive role to play. It disturbs us, so we know there is something to address. Represented and identified as fear makes it somewhat easier to get to the core of why we have adopted this entity. We come to know that fear was taken on board to protect us from that which we apparently feared! It had a good purpose! However, over time, the weight of carrying fear and the negative impact eventually outweighs the benefit. When this time turns up, it is the signal to release fear from its duty. You are tired… so is fear!
As the process of understanding is undertaken, fear is able to find refuge in that bin along with all its relatives! This is ‘fears happy place’!
Once free of fear, our thoughts, behaviours, emotions, and physical body reflect this. The world around us changes. At this stage, revisiting the fear(s) through thought can deliver an interesting observation. With the fear lens gone, we can see the folly in each. We are also able to understand those with whom we held conversations regarding fear during the recovery process.
Most of all, we have come to really appreciate what living through fear does. Fear creates fear – how can it not? Fear reinforces its own existence. But, when fear departs, replaced by love, then through love, our world responds.
And this is the antidote to fear – love. When fear rules, love has little chance to guide our life. But when we know that love is the alternative AND live through love, this is when recovery has come full circle. Fear took our souls, confusing us, and misguiding us. We took fear on initially, either due to this being taught or as a response to an event that gave us no other explanation. Our body tells us this through the mental illness taken on to cope. When fear is conquered – via a lot of hard work, I must say – a void opens needing to be filled; love holds this job!
As love fills our days and nights, the once great friend, fear, who showed us the way back home, gladly relinquishes its space, handing it to love. For fear knew all along that love was the missing link.
Fear hands the baton of ‘greatest friend’ to the one worthy of this role, love … life then creates anew.
JL Keez
J.L Keez survived a nine-year struggle with anorexia nervosa., followed by many more experiencing related mental illnesses, including suicidal depression. Today, she is a Thought Leader in her field. She dedicates her life to empowering others suffering from eating disorders and related conditions. J.L. is a Reality Therapy Certified Counsellor, passionate speaker, and influential teacher. Author of: Anorexia Unlocked: Understanding Your Story Through Mine
- JL Keez
