Letting Go of Who I “Should” Be: My Journey from Conformity to Authenticity

How I Broke Free from Self-Doubt and Loneliness to Create a Life Aligned with Purpose, Intuition, and Unconventional Truth

Do I admit that I love Frente? Or Mariah Carey or Tina Arena?

No.

I kept myself hidden as a 10-year-old child.

I was frozen in my own world and thoughts, struggling to be myself and connect to the people around me.

Sure, I had friends, and I was good at things, but on the outside, everything seemed fine.

Deep down, I battled loneliness and a constant feeling of not measuring up.

I would always compare myself to others, trying to fit in instead of being who I truly was.

As I grew older, I kept trying to conform, but this meant I only attracted people, work and situations that didn’t align with who I was.

Panic attacks, anxiety and a relationship break-up, confronted me with a painful truth.

I could no longer run from the grief, pain and emptiness I felt inside.

I could no longer just set a goal, work hard and use my mind to get through this.

I knew I couldn’t go on being the same person.

I had to learn a whole new way of being.

I never considered myself to be spiritual.

I was the grounded and practical type who loved science.

But traditional therapy didn’t work for me.

So, the next 15 years led me down many different paths in search of a way to deal with the torment inside.

I studied Buddhism for several years, was mentored by an ordained Zen Master, and initiated Shaman and yogis.

I threw myself into somatic work, self-hypnosis, manifestation, and all different types of meditation and breathwork, and I was trained as a yoga teacher.

I learned many things throughout this period.

I learned that our minds, alone, will not get you to where you want to go.

I learned to surrender.

This meant fully giving in to a place in my life that I didn’t want to be.

I didn’t dream of this.

I’d made a lot of mistakes, lost friendships and partnerships, acted in ways I wasn’t proud of and ultimately, had many experiences I never thought were planned for me.

I learned that silence could become our greatest ally.

Prior to this, I couldn’t bear being alone.

Because being alone brought up everything about me that I despised.

I learned how to be happy from the inside out.

How to feel good in my own skin without the desperate need for a relationship.

I learned that our soul, our purpose and our hearts speak to us through our desires and yearnings.

I began joining the dots between my past challenges, years of study in traditional psychology and spiritual traditions to realise that I dreamed of an unconventional life, doing work and life differently to what was expected of me.

I learned that if I didn’t stand up for what I believed in, take risks both personally and professionally, I’d stay stuck.

I’d stay frozen within, like that 10-year-old.

I’d never feel fulfilled.

I’d never feel like my life had meaning and that I had really ‘lived’ my precious life.

Today – My life’s work is to merge the rational with the intuitive.

To help others claim their authentic voice, live by their gut and intuition and defy conventional norms.